In 2019 I lost my dad to cancer. I worked and pushed myself through this period because, at the time, thinking of processing what had happened was way too much for me to wrap my head around. Then COVID-19 hit and I found myself home like all of us.
Unable to bring
Herself to cry
Because if she
Then that means
It really happened.”
From The princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace (Page 88)
TW: loss of a parent, cancer
This poem really resonated with me. I have never been one to open up about things. In my mind, talking about difficult things makes them real.
In 2019 I lost my dad to cancer. I worked and pushed myself through this period because, at the time, thinking of processing what had happened was way too much for me to wrap my head around. Then COVID-19 hit and I found myself home like all of us. I decided to take the time off to heal and process the loss. I decided that therapy was not something I was ready to do just yet so I did some research on different ways to become more attuned with myself.
I had done work with crystals in the past, using the more commonly known ones like rose quartz and amethyst. I researched different stones and chakras, how to use the stone in a meditation or throughout my day to keep my energy grounded. I went into a crystal shop and walked around looking at all these amazing stones! I had gone in with the intention of purchasing a few new crystals. I noticed this beautiful deep royal blue stone called Lapis Lazuli, which I was extremely drawn to. The woman working behind the desk had told me that if I am drawn to it, it’s because, in some way, I need it. So of course I took this incredible stone home.
I decided to sit down and take a few deep breaths. I held the crystal in my right hand and started to run the stone along the centre of my body starting at my root chakra. Once I held the stone to my throat I could not believe the feeling that came over me, I felt overwhelmed with emotions and it was hard for me to breathe or swallow. In that moment I felt pain, the same pain I had felt when my dad took his last breath. Once I caught my breath I let out a gasp, which was followed by a full-blown release of emotion. I sat there in my safe space for a while writing how I was feeling and allowing myself to let go of all the emotions I was afraid of, all the emotions and feelings I kept pushing deeper down. I asked myself the simplest question: “How am I doing?” I feel like this is such a simple question but I realized I always lied when people would ask me. “I’m fine,” was always my response when underneath that smile, all I wanted to do was scream.
I woke up the next morning feeling calm and at ease. As I looked back at what I had written in the moment, I realized that there was so much more I was feeling than I had ever thought. I didn’t realize how many things I kept bottled up inside.
I decided to do some more research on the stone after feeling like this was the stone for me. Lapis Lazuli encourages self-awareness, aids in a deep inner self knowledge as well as provides honesty and compassion. It assists to help speak one’s truth and to inspire confidence.
It channels your expression of feelings as well as emotions. The stone is also known to alleviate insomnia as well as depression. Which is why I believe I felt the strong urge to release all those emotions.
A few of the crystals I would suggest to someone looking to start their crystal journey is selenite (self-cleansing, peaceful, calming, protection). Clear quartz (high vibration, meditation, healing). Rose quartz (self-love, trust, emotional healing). Aventurine (compassion, negativity absorbing, comfort)
Each day I try and make a conscious effort to take a few minutes in the morning to ground myself and tune into my body, mind and soul whether that be to sit and meditate, read, dance freely or do some breathing exercises. I pick my crystal of the day, meaning whichever crystal is calling to me that day. Since starting back at work I have found the balance of working on myself and work a bit challenging so I started looking at it as an appointment with myself that cannot be canceled. Since I started doing this, I feel more happy, more calm, and I feel like I can process things throughout the day a lot better. I am in no way perfect and there are days where I feel overwhelmed, but on those days I really try to focus on my new practice, take a deep breath and hold the crystal of the day to help keep me grounded (mine are always in my pocket).
Remember to be gentle with yourself. Our relationship with ourselves is forever and we need to learn how our mind and body works and how to cope with difficult things that happen throughout our lives. We all have a wild child inside, we just need to set it free!